Thursday, October 14, 2010

MAD RON'S PREVUES FROM HELL Is Hack Once Gore (For Reels & For Grue!)

Is Hack Once Gore

(For Reels & For Grue!)

The Keeper of the Pit

When last we gore-met, fear reader, we were BLOOD FEASTing on the release to DVD for the first time of MAD RON’S PREVUES FROM HELL. What’s that you slay, nothing of Heap Gorey Lewis’ crassic BLOOD FEAST was to “B” seen in the first half of our Temple of Schlock reekview? My MADvice is -- just wait for ick, and a ghouled time will be Fuad by maul!

As you may, or may rot, recall, in Part One we digust how wayback when in 1987 a band of merry, I SAID scary MADmen and women Lansdowne in southeastern PA. put together a VHS-market scum-pile-ment of horror movie trailers that had played drive-ins and for-reel indoor theaters in the 60’s to the then-present day. Then these fine fear folks all went out and went all out and shot gore-iginal footage of zombs invading the local slash loco Lansdowne Theater to watch a showing of PREVUES FROM HELL, as hosted by “Mad Ron” his own chained-up self up in the projection room. Mad’s helped by ventrilatricky Nick Pawlow and his knee ornament “Happy” Glub Spurt, I mean, Goldsplatt. Nick’s one HELLuva nice guy. As to my ever having met Happy …. that dummy! … I wooden admit it!

Much of the fun of MAD RON is that the sleazy, queasy trailers match up with the Lansdowne footage.You gotta love the early special make-up and effects by Jordu Schell of AVATAR fame, ditto work from young Jay Kushwara that’s just as “Monsters”-ous. Not that it helps much in the Hapster’s case … that guy needs more like a spastic surgeon!

So, last time out we covered every crassic as by MAD RON presented trailer up to #28, and then we hopefully all caught a few deserved DIABOLICAL DR. Z’s. Scuz, after #29, we’ll need them … he said with guts so!

Yep, 29’s none other than the notorious AFRICA BLOOD & GUTS, and trust me on this one, it’s the kinda thing lives down to its title. Took years of fears in film, with say the FACES OF DEATH series, for anything to scum even close. AB&G’s shot documentary style, but it works best as a shock you mentally.

The only title I recall having anywhere near such an effect on a paying audience was a double bill of SURVIVE w/ GUYANA -- CULT OF THE DAMNED. Of course, back in the 70’s it prob’ly helped if ya saw those babies while having a case of the drive-in snack bar munchies. AB&G features animal mutilation, people mutilation, and a narrator who dares you so politi-killy gore-wrecked-deadlily that he might as well yell “You can’t TAKE any mau-mau, Kenya?”

Thing is, he could be fright. About the only thing they didn’t do in this one is catch former dictator Amin and Idi him. Like the movie poster in the extras gallery claims, this is one flick that does … in dead … look you straight in the eye and spit. So, I warned ya, and don’t say I didn’t tell you what to expectorate.

30) is NIGHT OF BLOODY HORROR, another fright flick I saw at the Mu-Way Drive-In, I “B”lieve w/ WOMEN & BLOODY TERROR. Butt, enuff about my love life. The trailer here Kongtains absolutely not much and then tells ya, get this, to “Keep telling yourself -- it’s only a picture.” Yeah, but does any thing develop that makes us shutter?

31) SILENT NIGHT, EVIL NIGHT slash BLACK CHRISTMAS features one of the best tag lines of all time: “If this movie doesn’t make your skin crawl, it’s on too tight!” Figures, since anyone who’d pass up a killer Christmas chiller starring Margot “SISTERS” Kidder, Keir Dullea, Olivia Hussey and the ever reliable John Saxon has gotta be a derm fool!

32) THE MUTATIONS stars Donald Pleasence in a terror tale where monsters on the midway reek carny-age. Also creature featured is Tom Baker, a feller that back then made American audiences watching MUTATIONS go “Who?” Also starring is the vertikilly challenged fine actor who played the best villain t.v.’s WILD, WILD WEST ever Dunn had.

33) THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMED is a nasty ole biddy bit of business starring Lili Palmer presiding over a girl’s school where everyone loins how to make degrades. Narrator intones “Five have died, who will the the sixth?” I dunno, it never whipcord to me.

34) BLOOD & LACE not only has the tomb-die-for dialogue “What you call dead may only be the temporary abscence of life.” Sheesh, these gals oughta get together with the UNDERTAKER & HIS PALS. Like at lust twice nightly, I SAID tight nighty.

35) Hey, Heap Gorey Lewis is back, with the immortal 2000 MANIACS, scare-in some damned fool Yankee travelers learn the South’s not only gonna rise again, it’s gonna chop those damn Yankees in YEEE-Half! So, see! What the locos do with women to get their rocks off! See! Special effects "gruesomely stained in blood color.” Try to picture me and a theater full of other kids seeing this in the mid-60’s, some of us failing to sustain our rising Georgias. No matter … wherever I’d catch 2000 MANIACS, the joint was packed Stonewall to wail!

36) is the film that wouldn’t die in pieces, Romero’s first NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. The brief black & white trailer now seems rather reekstrained. Not so the film as seen in a drive-in back in 196ty-ate. That particular Octombrr NIGHT for me was one where lotsa viewers slowly began to think maybe a Pennsylvania drive-in wasn’t the best place to zombie.

But then, maybe it played deader, I SAID better out in They’re Coming To Get Chew Santa Barbara!

37) is Larry “It’s Alive” Cohen’s baby: GOD TOLD ME TO, aka DEMON, from Roger Corman’s New World Pictures. I dare ya to guess what Richard Lynch plays in this, as in you haunt got a prayer. GTMT played with Cronenberg’s RABID starring Marilyn Chambers, making it the world’s first and only double bill that creature featured killer armpits. Why, to this day there’s folks say movies about killer armpits friggin’ stink, and somebody should put a Ban on them.

Rolling on, #37 ghouls tomb HORROR OF SNAPE ISLAND, aka TOWER OF EVIL and a ghost of other titles. Still, it’s from horror master Richard Gordon, and should you see this flick no matter the title, you’ll agree the man gets the gore done!

#38 happens to “B” … whoops, whuh the? How the HeCATe did WILDCAT WOMEN IN 3-D get in here?

Oh, I SEE! Happy’s what happened, and he’s got the goggles to prove it. So do the zombs downstares, and wait till you see what HAPpens when one zomb steals the other’s glasses. It’s tomb 3-Die for!

Next up is, here’s a hint, #30 nein, nein!, and it’s surely PREVUES Nazis-est.Yeah, you got it, what bitch we have here is the ever-notorious, butt even worse as your nurse ILSA -- SHE WOLF OF THE SS. All the people Ilsa’s tortured herein Dyanne, and Ilsa gets all hot and Thorney! Still and all, you have to check out the ILSA poster picturing herself and Hitler.

This is one I’ve never seen before and only heard of. Collectors desiring to have this poster should be particularly impressed that no part of its paper is at all ate off.

#40 is the innocent-sounding title MAN FROM DEEP RIVER, behind which lurks a cannibal epic fit to make BLOOD FEAST’s Heap Gorey Lewis unable to even Ramses straight. Trailer’s not for the scream-ish or folks halving the crania capacity of monkey brains. Then again, I recall a coupla guys back in ghoul school who’d eat such things during rhesus.

You may have noticed, by now the trailers are getting lewder, cruder and even nuder. So, at this pint of slime during your PREVUES FROM HELL Halloween party you’ve already sent the kids to bed, fright? You ‘haint? Then don’t blame the Keeper when ya get MAD the kids saw all this -- didn’t we tell ya CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY W/ DEAD THINGS quite a slays hack?

#41 belongs to the gore-iginal LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, one horror folks will all ways have a Craven for. Seen this one myself in quite a grue theaters and drive-ins, and it was one of those 70’s fright flicks that, every single place ya saw it, had a different print. Some had more gore, some had retch, you never knew, and ya never knew what would be cut out or what would be, ahem, LEFT.

Scarever you see it, LAST HOUSE gets ‘em every time. Another thing gets ‘em? Tell anyone who has ever seen LHOTL that the band the gals wanna see in the beginning is Black Sabbath, and they’ll believe you. Scumtheless, that’s B.S., uh, b.s. Dunno, though, if that would ever get Ozzy Osburned up.

Everyone by now knows the LAST HOUSE line “It’s only a movie … only a movie” and so on.

Me, I love that the Last House “rests on 13 acres of earth over the very center of Hell.” Yeah, and when Dave Hess and his gang catch ya there’s no place to Hades.

Spooking of flicks that were changed, 42) claims to be, and was here, known as CARNAGE, but it’s hackually Mario Bava’s terror-ific TWITCH OF THE DEATH NERVE, the movie without doom there’d have been no FRIDAY THE 13ths to calendare us.

And trust me on this, CARNAGE in any of its many titles includes the often ripped-off murder scene that could turn FRIDAY fans friggin’ impale.

Beware, though, that the CARNAGE trailer is so psicko-yell-ick I swear it was shot by the same guy invented hallucinogenic hypno-vision, fright after he saw Roger Corman’s THE TRIP and found himself quite Fonda it.

#43 “B” longs to COLOR ME BLOOD RED, the last trailer here from H. G. Lewis, witch Kongtains the stay-away/ come-on-in! dare that “it’s just a movie, it’s just a movie.” Being such a slice guy, when LAST HOUSE came around with its similiar warning H. G. didn’t up and get MAD, or try to make any make the other guys RON away.

Despite its title, BLOOD RED’s trailer here is tinted purple. No doubt designed as such to lure any purple people eaters into the theater when the weather outside had hardly ever Ben Colder.

This is the last we’ll see of H. G. Lewis, unless you go to the highly reekcommended movie poster gallery slash extra features. Not to mention hunt for the BLOOD FEASTer eggs in the maim menu...

44) MAD DOCTOR OF BLOOD ISLAND is one of a series of movies about green blooded monster whose movies’ trailers inspurted many red-blooded American boys to take their gals to the drive-in. The fact that the monsters look part man, part plant, just may explain why so many drive-in dates of the day’s drive-in nights wood let themselves be frondled.

Ya axe tree, I SAID ask me, I love the plant whassis in this movie and the rest of ‘em, I can never get my chlorofill of him. Same goes for any of these things if they star John Ash Tree, I SAID Ashley.

I should also mention the effect of watching Angelique Pettyjohn in her nighty thingy, standing sidewise and staring out the window. Butt, that would be sill-y.

45) How could the Keeper not love BLOODY PIT OF HORROR, where once gore the trailer is getting leerier, what with Mickey Hargitay as the Crimson Executioner finding fiendish ways to torture semi-dressed women one after another?

The secrete of his success? You got me, maybe he tells them stick with him and for stardom they’ll be bound.

Trailer makes much of a spinning device that gets closer and closer and even more revolvingly revolting as it slices deeper and deeper each turn. I won’t say it where cuts these cuties, but it could involve a chains of cup size.

I demean, ya gotta PITy these Poe, er, poor gals who get subjected to tortures both revolving AND reekvolting. Poor dears prob'ly never would have screamed, I SAID dreamed that Jayne Mansfield's favorite strongman would aROUND so many lovely gals get so damsels in distressed. Knot tomb mention all Mickey'ed up...

It’s up to you, leer readers, if seeing a gal tied to a giant spider web is an arachneedful thing.

46) should “B” 25th, as in of Decembrr. You got it, fear of reindeer fans, it’s SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT, starring John Carradine and Mary Woronov, who if she gets cold Yule oughta be a gentlemen, offer her a can of CAGED HEAT. I’d mention Joan Collins in the Christmas segment of TALES FROM THE CRYPT here, or BLACK CHRISTMAS, both already mentioned as featured, but I can’t, it’s in my insanity Claus. All I can sleigh, ladies, is that if some psickold Santa type tries to crawl down yer chimney, kick him in the bells. Then, snow joke, to avoid annual sequels, be sure to chop off his eggnoggin.

Whoa, it’s finally the Happy ending! We’re up to the scary last PREVUE FROM HELL, the incredibly furry-ious but fun #47, NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES. Nothing on this DVD, and hopefully nothing on Earth, is even simian-leer to this film, even after you’ve gone out and drunk a few Gibbons! Just ask the zombs Lansdowne stairs if NOTBA doesn’t have them all groping for the gorilla their screams. Whoops, looks like their ghouled ole gals are having banana none of it, and not feeling at all ape peeling.

So, that’s it, each and every trailer and film from PREVUES FROM HELL listed and crit-eeek!ed. Poisonally, I can’t imagine anybody reading about just one or two of these trailers, let alone all of ‘em, and not MADly RONning out to buy PREVUES on this very DVDay!

Now we can all settle back, reeklaxative about all these a’gore-mentioned I SAID hits of horror, Count howl many we saw Drac in the day. Better still, we can think hack tomb the beginning of this maggot opus, where perhaps you were wondering witch DVD of terror trailers you wanted to purchase for your Halloween party, witch is, of curse, upscumming.

Okay, here’s an hexperiment. Imagine looking across the way and seeing all your neighbor’s Halloween partiers Autumn leaving cuz over there they didn’t have MAD RON’S PREVUES and they got “no slay!” bored. Imagine all the prettier ghouls from aghast the street walking over to grue, I mean, you and your place, your party. Think oh pun how when they hear you’ll be playing MAD’s DVD, they’ll all wanna be your heXed of pump kin! Bedsides, no body ever wants to get bored on Halloween, the beast time of fear for when you want to watch people … on scream, of curse … getting reely gourd.

Whuhzat? Who cares about that dumb neighbor’s party’s not ghoulin’ well, when you’re watching MAD RON and having one HELL of a party? Wait, why Ed Wood that be? You’re feeling bat on Halloween? What was that, you think MAD himself could be all lonesome over the Horror Day? Naughty to worry, friends, fiends, neighbores OR slay gores … drool or no drool, everywhere he ghouls MAD RON will be the saliva the party!

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